Falling Dreams

by 1dering at stars

Published December 8, 2007

In Poetry..

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Last night I danced on the treetops;
With silver slippers of dew,
We whirled and twirled as moonlight unfurled,
To the nightingale’s honey-glazed coo

And I dreamed that I was falling
Whistling to the ground
And my dewdrops shattered like crystal, a salty, tinkling sound

Last night I swam in the rainbow;
Drinking in colors with glee,
And they bubbled and fizzed as colors whizzed,
Laughter of rainbow ecstasy

And I dreamed that I was falling
Through voices as silent as sound
And below me I saw coming closer, a bare and colorless ground

Last night I slept on a sunbeam;
Wrapped in its warm, fuzzy glow,
And around me the light was a glorious sight,
And I gently rocked to a whispery blow

And I dreamed that I was falling,
Screaming for the light
And around me closing in, was the blackness, dead of night

Tomorrow I shall spin white moonshine;
To blanket the earth below,
And every strand from my spinning hand
To the ground in a row-boat will row

And I will dream that I am falling,
Through an ocean of airy blue
And my milky threads will not catch me, though I shall will them to

And if a dream is a wish your heart makes;
Then I wish not that this not come true But wish instead for a needle and thread
To spin my dreams anew

And I will dream that I am falling,
Sailing down from high,
But my feathery wings will catch me,
And soar me to the sky.

Comments & reviews · 7
User avatar
Searria H.
Review
Searria H. wrote a review Review · Sep 16, 2008

This poem was very well-written and beautiful. I agree with kokobeans about those two lines. I would like to give you a suggestion, but I don't want it to ruin your beautiful rythym. I'm not very good at poetry.

And my dewdrops shattered like crystal, a salty, tinkling sound

I absolutely love this line along with your other descriptive phrases. Good work! :D


To the ground in a row-boat will row

I think it wouldn't disturb the rythym too much to leave out "row" So it would read, "To the ground in a boat will row" I"m not sure.

Then I wish not that this not come true

This phrase is very poetic, but once again, hard to swallow. I would say, "Then I don't wish that this won't come true." That makes me cringe though. Those contractions murder the style of the piece. I really don't know what you could do with that one. Sorry. *smiles sympathetically*

Over all, a beautiful poem. I really enjoyed it.

-Sea-

User avatar
nightmask Comment
nightmask commented Comment · Sep 16, 2008

I think this poem flows really well and has a very relaxing quality to it very nice work :)

1dering at stars commented Comment · Sep 14, 2008

Awww thank you.... I wouldn't mind at all...


:oops:

I feel special!

User avatar
andrew.j.m
Review
andrew.j.m wrote a review Review · Sep 13, 2008

I feel bad because I only send you good things about your work, and can't think of anything helpful to say.

The only helpful thing I can say is....keep it up. Don't stop. Keep writing, don't lose this. It will take you places.

Would you mind if I shared this with some of my friends?

1dering at stars commented Comment · Dec 8, 2007

Not at all. Thanks for the comment, I think you're right about those two lines... I'm new and don't really know much about this, If you have any suggestions it would be great. :D

User avatar
kokobeans
Review
kokobeans wrote a review Review · Dec 8, 2007

Wow this is so beautiful, I love it.

There's a good rythm all the way through, and your rhymes are great aswell.
I can't find much to comment on, just a few lines where the wording is a bit tricky to swallow.
'To the ground in a row-boat will row'
'Then I wish not that this not come true'

Keep up the good work. Kudos.
Also, do you mind if I put this in my 'featured works' section?



Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown